I love Facebook I love the stalking element really, most of the time I see good things, juicy gossip, and the occasional pic of socialites which give me the case of the green eyed monster because I don’t have so many sociable friends anymore!
I imagine these socialites to have a newsfeed full of comedy, glamorous pictures, exciting gossip and just normal people. I wouldn’t know what this is like however because on a daily basis I have the most depressing ‘face friends’. Am I alone? Here’s what I learnt today on Facebook;

1. I woke up to a picture of crusty toes complete with chipped nail varnish.. Why? Because the girl had stumped her toe.
2. I also learnt that someone’s child had been sick all over their bed… Nice.
3. I hear about three people can’t get a job but yet they’ve been applying for jobs for over a year… Really?
4. I obtained an update for the crusty toes this time a closer picture, still with chipped varnish in view.. Why? Why? so I have to see this if your going to post feet at least have them in decent condition! Gag!!
5. Two people were stuck in their ‘usual’ traffic jam.
6. I found out one person is going away on a specific day but this was an update so they are providing the thieves info of the best day to break in.. Lol security at it’s best!
7. I took 5 whole minutes to try and understand one specific sentence which involved the words ‘bot’ = about ‘da’ = the… CRINGE!

So all in all really exciting, but the dilemma is what do I do about these? Delete them? Sounds easy right.
No, not when someone decides to organise a ‘girls night out’ with these crusty toe, sick boasting, whiners and everyone is chatting via inbox and they stop replying once they realise you’ve deleted them. Haha! Oops! I’m not too bothered but you can’t help feeling guilty, there is one question everyone needs to ask themselves before posting..

Do my face friends really want to know this?

Probably not.

Human Poop-a-Scoop not quite so glamorous as it might sound or does it? But I’m knackered. I haven’t got kids yet I do want them but I’m scared of the chores involved I’m not one for sick and blood in fact the sight scares me and for that fact alone I’m not excited for parenting.
However I do have small dogs, 3 of them – cute, loving, naughty dogs but I wouldn’t be without them.

For the past few days one of them hasn’t been too well leaving slimey parcels around the house, I even had some in the ensuite shower this morning. Nice. Secrectly I was half glad as this was the easiest one to get rid of bit of shower spray and Cif actifoam voila! Domestic Goddess at it’s best!

Taking them to the emergency vets last night was the worst 2am and I’m driving back with all 3 of them because I notice 2 of them were really not well and if I left the other he’d bark the house down! I reminisced about driving the same route what every Friday night 5 years ago car full of friends singing our hearts out and chomping on Mcdonalds after a night out… But nooo this is life now!

So I’ve hit a realisation now as I chuck on the PJs and creep into bed to try and catch up on my sleep and the husband chucks on the World Cup as England are playing, which delays my sleep even more that this is my life and this is who I am. The human poop-a-scoop whether it be in the garden with nappy bags or nursing my poorly dogs this is the working class, home owning, housewife modern girl.


So I’ve done it, I’ve joined a gym. Not a fancy gym a council run gym in my local area although it does have 3 gyms to pick from so not all bad.

I signed up (it’s a minimum of 6 months taking me until Christmas) and went for my induction where they showed me what’s what. This was embarrassing to say the least it was me and another girl, the guy showed me how to use the the treadmill, cross trainer, rower etc. He made us do roughly 2 minutes on each but whilst doing so was chatting on, sounds friendly but not when you can’t breathe and your nostrils are flaring whilst your trying to take in extra air needed to style out the fact your dying of exhaustion!

We walked around the gym and went into the weights section which was just a meat market, and I mean old wrinkly meat euww. I’m not so sure ill venture into that section often. The dumbbells and kettle bells looked as though they had been there for a good few years or a small child had sat there picking all of the paint off. This is when the glamour of the council run gym kicked in!

I think I’ll stick to just using the cardio machines when I master how to use them. I was pushing backwards on the cross trainer during my induction embarrassing!
The next thing which proper put me on a downer was that myself and the other girl did our measurements and weight together to be recorded and compared to her I was a tower block! My measurements averaged 2-3 inches bigger than her and she was the weight I want to be ha! When I stepped on the scales they were 3 pounds heavier than what my home scales say! GULP! Shit! Desperate times now.
I didn’t actually do a gym session after that I went home and sulked like a fat chocolate eating baby.

I tried a few classes out at the gym previously because it’s pay as you go on classes, but I don’t know if it’s just me but I really inspect the teacher and if they still have podge I’m convinced that the class doesn’t work.. After all they do this how many times a week plus more! Spin was the worst, not because it made me sweat buckets, or because I felt like my legs were performing the cycling motion for hours after, but because of the pain. The pain of the seat digging into my noonie bones. I’m definitely bruised now! I do want to go back but I need to find out how to overcome this pain ouch!
Im on day 4 of my membership and it’s going great, one class down and the ‘I didn’t actually do anything induction’ just writing this as I nibble on some cheddar hating my protruding belly. So yeah, gyms going great!


In general social media is just fascinating and always ceases to amaze me, especially when I’m doing the Facebook/Instagram/Twitter stalk and can find out some real juicy biz to go and share with someone. Although it’s as equally annoying now we have the privacy feature or the 1 tap like/favourite buttons! Worst thing is it’s not until you flick through your favourite tweets and see an enemies cringeworthy schpiel there! Shit.

Twitter is that I love the most and the things you can do and who you can reach are just amazing.
I’ve made friends with Cadburys, O2, Sainsbury’s I’m in there with the big boys! But seriously the power of twitter has changed my life.

I’m not one to complain unless I’m on a wind up or something is extremely poor. I am pretty laid back when out for meals and using products unless they literally don’t work. Simply because it is just too much hassle and you’ll always get the generic ‘sorry to hear we will look into it’ letter.. Yeah yeah!

My personal account on twitter I literally use to speak to companies, a tweet usually gets answered before a phone call or email and you can ask a simple question without having to pad it out. I love it! Additionally I love to make a complaint and shame companies on there.
I regularly report my issues to O2 who are great at responding but I’m not sure I really get a resolution. I love to get involved with the banter with other phone companies at how I’m glad I’m with O2 etc especially when a friend is having problems with their company and I’m retweeting away.
Recently I made a complaint about some roses id bought from sainsburys. I’d been eyeing these glittery roses up for a while for my kitchen and decided to get them. With a life of 7 days ‘guaranteed’ I did not expect them to die on day 2!!


So I gave Sainsburys a little tweet and literally instantly they replied and refunded my nectar card with a £2 bonus and voila problem resolved. Thumbs up! I was well impressed!

A friend recent had an issue with an expensive watch she had bought from a well established high street jeweller and had a problem with it. The in store staff would not help and telephone calls did nothing, so she tweeted both companies and didn’t get a reply so around 8 of her friends retweeted and replied to this tweet sending one of the companies into panic and she got a reply!

So yeah Twitter blows me away that little birdie has some serious power over the way we work with companies, and advertising is massive but we don’t realise. I’d have no idea about Cadburys new chocolate bar otherwise :)

I’m overly excited right now! I’ve convinced the husband to let me have a glittery wall in the bedroom!
I’ve been going on about it for ages and ordered some samples and I’m in love! As the queen of bling (I’m well known for it) this is a massive deal!

I’m I really want the silver but am going for a stardust white!


I’m in love with crushed velvet furniture and glitter wallpaper but so far am only allowed the glitter.. Except for my crushed velvet dining room chairs (I really wanted a velvet sofa).

Anyway check out The Best Wallpaper Place that’s a link to the glitter section, so far good customer service on both twitter and the phone. I’m about to place my order so ill update once the room is done hehe!


That’s because you don’t really want one..
I have little sympathy for most of those out of employment for months and months because 98% of them have requirements. Unless you have specific experience of which you’ll have a network and a good chance to find a new job you shouldn’t have a list of requirements for your job.

I’ve had to fend for myself since I was 17 and have changed jobs many times before I settled in my career but the maximum I’ve been out of work is 2 months.. How?

Determination and passion is all you need to succeed, if you want something you will get it. Simple.

I’m surrounded by jobless people who ‘have been looking for months for a job and applied for loads’ so they say.
But these same people wouldn’t travel 100 miles to the only job in the country if that’s all there was like I would, because benefits are too easy.

Here’s some tips for successful job hunting;
1. Apply apply apply.. On every website you can find, every role in the local newspapers get it the day it’s published to apply first!
2. Make yourself known.. Write letters to local businesses selling yourself.. Facebook posts asking for a job are not searching for a job! DIY!! I once drove around a whole business estate dropping in my CV and Covering letter.
3. Get on your bike, train, car whatever and drive to the biggest and nearest town.. London, Manchester, Newcastle etc it’s where the money is. Bored of, ‘I don’t want to commute so I refuse to work there’, you see requirements have no place here.
4. No one is too good.. to work in a supermarket. They always have jobs going, always, what makes you think your too good to work in a shop? Used to work in an office? Well you don’t anymore!
5. Persistence breaks Resistance applied before and rejected but now they have jobs? Apply again do you think they really keep your CV on file? No they’ll not remember you neither and if they do bonus.. Shows off your passion.
6. Recruitment agencies are not to be relied on.. Signed up with one agency and feel that’s enough? Leave it out! Get round them all, call them, email them, apply for jobs they have so they notice you and see your CV. You need to be registered with as many as you can find and persist!
7. Sign up for temporary work. you just need a step in, and once there you can ensure that role is needed in the business and voila permanent full time job is yours!
The other flip side is that you may be given a role you’ve never played before and so instantly you’ll have new experience and another alleyway to choose from!

Before I fell into my current career I did many jobs my first job was in McDs!! In between jobs I would do the above and at my worst time during the ‘credit crunch’ I applied for over 500 jobs on just one site to be replied to by probably 5 of them! (Secsinthecity used to record the amount of applications). There’s no excuse, I don’t want to hear it. Only you can make your life what it is, only you can help yourself.
Don’t be another benefit statistic!

Go go go!!

I’d love to think of myself as a fashionista and often try to copy styles only to end up looking like an OAPs dressed me. I just have to admit I’m a jeans girl, boring casual jeans day in day out. As soon as I earned my first weeks pocket money I was saving for jeans I had to have only Moschino (in every colour), Armani and Versace (crazy prints) but that’s changed now. Until about 2 years ago I was still strutting in designer jeans they are usually worth the money and last forever.

Tables have turned now I literally end up buying jeans only because I’m desperate and they cost £7 from Forever 21. I know I shouldn’t be buying from there because a girl was giving out discount vouchers on the door the other day and blatantly avoided me.. Obviously too old! *panic*

The reason I buy cheap is because nothing fits now.. Unless you have bean sprout legs there’s no hope in finding a decent fit.
I’m encountering several different scenarios..
1 – Jeans do not go past ankles.. failed at the first hurdle.

2 – Jeans go past ankles but not thighs.. FFS I’m only a size 10-12!

3 – Jeans slide up the legs smoothly but when it comes to bubble butt it struggles to do up ouch! Now I have serious mega muffin overhang I never knew I had!

4 – Jeans slide up, do up and feel great one slight problem, I’m now provided with a whole sack for the camel hoof and a baby camel .. Saggy crutch is not a good look!


4 – So I buy a size bigger and they slide up, do up, fit snug around the noon and seem ok skinny jeans 0 Me 1!.. Guess I’ll have to purchase to my dislike at the bigger size! However when I get home after 5 steps they’re falling down.. Not because I’ve lost weight running up the stairs to put them on but because again they’re ill fitting! Wouldn’t mind if I had super legs like a BFF competitor but this girl is chubbs!

Real life pic here! Am I alone? I just can’t find jeans anywhere to fit!
Help needed!


Action shot of jeans after going downstairs and back up again!

Saggy crutch..


Saggy bum.. But legs still tight



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