Okay I’m going mad! As an avid follower of Moschino since I was a young teen i was overly excited and slightly obsessed with their Barbie Style collection showcased at Milan Fashion week.
I used to collect their jeans in every vibrant colour and strive to purchase at least one key item from each collection but this time I want the whole lot… Jezza Scott has smashed it! Someone get me to Milan to sweep up the props!


Lots of bling, chunky chains, accessories to die for and a theme to bring back the girly past times of our childhood.

Here are my must haves;


The jumper dress this is going to be my first purchase at £495 it’s a pricey one but its loose fitting and I know I’ll wear it more than once.. Available online now!

Gold buttons – ever since my Juicy Couture jacket which I loved just for the gold buttons I’ve been on the hunt for another. So when I saw this I swooned over the giant gold buttons glistening in the lights, a revamp on the burberry mac and I love it!

Bling sunglasses! When I went to Ibiza when I was 18 I stuck massive swarovski AB crystals and went raving in them so soz Jeremy but that was my trend! However if Moschino put these on sale I’ll be first to buy love these!


Puffy skirt dress thing – I love this not only for the bling and the pink but check out the skirt; no need for control pants this will hide that muffin and the second cheek syndrome ;) pass me the McDs hehe!


Crystal 2 Piece – I’m not sure I am the right shape to wear this but it’s pink, it’s smart and it’s covered in super sparkly crystals. With matching shoes available it’s a must have!


I’m just crying I won’t get my hands on a Moschino barbie boohoo!!

Oh hail Jeremy Scott! X

So I’ve done it, I’ve joined a gym. Not a fancy gym a council run gym in my local area although it does have 3 gyms to pick from so not all bad.

I signed up (it’s a minimum of 6 months taking me until Christmas) and went for my induction where they showed me what’s what. This was embarrassing to say the least it was me and another girl, the guy showed me how to use the the treadmill, cross trainer, rower etc. He made us do roughly 2 minutes on each but whilst doing so was chatting on, sounds friendly but not when you can’t breathe and your nostrils are flaring whilst your trying to take in extra air needed to style out the fact your dying of exhaustion!

We walked around the gym and went into the weights section which was just a meat market, and I mean old wrinkly meat euww. I’m not so sure ill venture into that section often. The dumbbells and kettle bells looked as though they had been there for a good few years or a small child had sat there picking all of the paint off. This is when the glamour of the council run gym kicked in!

I think I’ll stick to just using the cardio machines when I master how to use them. I was pushing backwards on the cross trainer during my induction embarrassing!
The next thing which proper put me on a downer was that myself and the other girl did our measurements and weight together to be recorded and compared to her I was a tower block! My measurements averaged 2-3 inches bigger than her and she was the weight I want to be ha! When I stepped on the scales they were 3 pounds heavier than what my home scales say! GULP! Shit! Desperate times now.
I didn’t actually do a gym session after that I went home and sulked like a fat chocolate eating baby.

I tried a few classes out at the gym previously because it’s pay as you go on classes, but I don’t know if it’s just me but I really inspect the teacher and if they still have podge I’m convinced that the class doesn’t work.. After all they do this how many times a week plus more! Spin was the worst, not because it made me sweat buckets, or because I felt like my legs were performing the cycling motion for hours after, but because of the pain. The pain of the seat digging into my noonie bones. I’m definitely bruised now! I do want to go back but I need to find out how to overcome this pain ouch!
Im on day 4 of my membership and it’s going great, one class down and the ‘I didn’t actually do anything induction’ just writing this as I nibble on some cheddar hating my protruding belly. So yeah, gyms going great!


I’d love to think of myself as a fashionista and often try to copy styles only to end up looking like an OAPs dressed me. I just have to admit I’m a jeans girl, boring casual jeans day in day out. As soon as I earned my first weeks pocket money I was saving for jeans I had to have only Moschino (in every colour), Armani and Versace (crazy prints) but that’s changed now. Until about 2 years ago I was still strutting in designer jeans they are usually worth the money and last forever.

Tables have turned now I literally end up buying jeans only because I’m desperate and they cost £7 from Forever 21. I know I shouldn’t be buying from there because a girl was giving out discount vouchers on the door the other day and blatantly avoided me.. Obviously too old! *panic*

The reason I buy cheap is because nothing fits now.. Unless you have bean sprout legs there’s no hope in finding a decent fit.
I’m encountering several different scenarios..
1 – Jeans do not go past ankles.. failed at the first hurdle.

2 – Jeans go past ankles but not thighs.. FFS I’m only a size 10-12!

3 – Jeans slide up the legs smoothly but when it comes to bubble butt it struggles to do up ouch! Now I have serious mega muffin overhang I never knew I had!

4 – Jeans slide up, do up and feel great one slight problem, I’m now provided with a whole sack for the camel hoof and a baby camel .. Saggy crutch is not a good look!


4 – So I buy a size bigger and they slide up, do up, fit snug around the noon and seem ok skinny jeans 0 Me 1!.. Guess I’ll have to purchase to my dislike at the bigger size! However when I get home after 5 steps they’re falling down.. Not because I’ve lost weight running up the stairs to put them on but because again they’re ill fitting! Wouldn’t mind if I had super legs like a BFF competitor but this girl is chubbs!

Real life pic here! Am I alone? I just can’t find jeans anywhere to fit!
Help needed!


Action shot of jeans after going downstairs and back up again!

Saggy crutch..


Saggy bum.. But legs still tight


I think I’m a minority because I get the weirdest stares when I cross-section my salad removing those frilly leaves from my salad bowl. My work colleagues give me a sideward glance judging me on my common-ness..
Rockets a gourmet food right? Pah! NO!
These leaves are like poison I know when I’m being punished for doing something out of line when I sit down pleased with my healthy purchase and having removed the rocket I bite down and gaaag the taste of poison erupts! And no matter how little chewing, how quickly or how much more other leaves I shove in, the taste just doesn’t go! How dare they hide and sneak onto my fork!
I strongly believe here that there should be a ‘free from’ rocket section in the salad aisles. Eating house salads which consist of boring iceberg lettuce tomatoes and cucumber gets a bit repetitive.
Am I alone?
Today’s experience of a superfood salad from M&S which was sooo nice filled with leaves and beans etc but seriously how much rocket do they want to shove in such a tiny bowl!

Protest against the rocket:


So, daily I use Southeastern train service from Kent to London to get to my place of work currently in the City of London.
I’m not writing this because I’ve on this day had a bad experience and I’m sitting on the train brewing up because they were late/cancelled/boards were out of sync. Rare I’m on the correct train and it’s running well. I’m writing because no matter what the service is like the people don’t change. I’m not sure everyone respects eachother and is on the same wavelength on these trains so I’ve put together my essential tips for commuting;

Avoid garlic the night before travel Apart from the obvious ‘brush your teeth’ I feel this is crucial we’re not trying to warn off vampires here people! (Even though with my current tan tone I may resemble one) There’s nothing worse than getting on the train and having to breath in this stench.. I feel trapped the one next to me is looking out of the window so his breath is circling my face and if I turn to the window too I get the one behind who must me blowing it through the seat gap! Aaaah!


Eat something before travelling because those food particles from last nights carbonara are still lingering between those tonsils. I have a great tip if you refuse to eat – hold a slice of cucumber at the roof of your mouth for 30 seconds to eliminate those smells. Additionally a good friend once told me if you eat an apple it’s the same as brushing your teeth… Don’t avoid the teeth brushing though.. Please! Fart breath is not tolerable under any circumstances.

Talk, but talk quietly I sound like a proper old bag here but jeez I’m trying to capture the last 20 minutes I’m owed in the land of nod. When you get on with your pals and talk about what happened at the weekend unless your not going to cut out the juicy bits so I can ear-wig shut the fuck up your only next to eachother!

Snoring.. You crack on I find it hilarious! Unless your siting next to me then I find it embarrassing, you’ll receive nothing except a sly dig in the leg to be honest!

Playing Footsie you may have grabbed the seat opposite me but just because our knees act out Newtons Cradle doesn’t mean your feet can protrude over the top of mine. Don’t you know my Forever 21 loafers are extremely sought after! Hehe


Avoid heads with bags this makes me SO angry! You get some div putting the world to rights traipsing through the carriage because she can’t find a seat bashing everyone’s heads with her ginormous bag. This has happened a few times and boy you receive a mighty ear bashing at least two people have experienced this rage of mine! What’s with this? Jealousy because I found a seat shows through here!

Look before you shout MOVE DOWN THE TRAIN!! Eyes bulging stomping feet sarcastically shouting. Love have you even looked? Do you want us to all sit on eachothers lap? Or play balance board in the middle of the aisle with nothing to hold onto? Some of us have been on the train 30 mins longer than you so if you can’t get on then get out of bed earlier!!

Train pushers, now this is when I lose my rag. Waiting at the platform and your minding your own business standing behind the yellow line, and what happens? Some big and bulshy man or woman decides to stand not next to you but infront of you. Why? Because when that train pulls in and the doors open they are there arms spread pushing on so they get a seat. The other type is that who comes from nowhere barges you to get on the train first and then hogs the aisle whilst they decide which way to turn for the better chance of a seat left or right. I am past pushing now and just end up standing, but one day I’ll be a big bull and bundle the whole lot of them just like when I was at school and was caught in a bundle and lost my shoe at one end of the corridor and found it at the other end. There will be shoes everywhere…

A typical day at London Bridge Station..


And remember please, thank you, excuse me and sorry go a long way…

So Friday I had a food intolerance test done, I’ve always wanted to do one but never did. I did go to the docs once who just as usual palmed me off and told me to write a good diary and not eat bread. So this test was possibly one of the best things I’ve done as now I know why I’m always bloated, sluggish and feeling fat! You may have gathered I’m constantly on a weight loss mission but generally my diet is not that bad.

So I went to the Purity centre near where I live in Longfield Kent.. I held onto this metal pole and the lady touched my toe with some metal pen like device my body energy made the machine scream until she put some ‘elements’ into the machine which represent different foods such as yeast she’d then touch my toe again (yeah well annoying after 20 digs) and then the machine would try to squeal again unless the food interfered with my energy which suggested a tolerance to which it would quietly grumble like an old dude humming! Pah!


Turns out I’m not to eat wheat, yeast, sugar!?, wine NOOO, dairy except for cheese and I’m lactose intolerant. Now I know and I notice as soon as I eat things like chocolate, yoghurt etc I bloat out with the worst cramps! Any suggestions for ‘free from’ foods or recipes will be great! I’ve ordered tons of supplements she suggested and trying to follow a Monofood (eat one type of food a time such as chicken and greens no rice or potatoes on the same dish), and Alkaline diet where possible. The lady seems to think after I’ve followed a strict diet I can eventually re-introduce these foods a bit and not have any symptoms! Here goes…



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